don't you go home, don't you leave me here alone.

so i'm exhausted.
i was up until 1230 writing this retarded essay for english.
wanna know what this essay was about?
i'll vent and let you know.

this essay was about men and women's roles in society. and what affects these roles? it is biological or by means of socialization?

my goodness.
we had to research and cite sources. it wouldnt have been so bad if i wasnt such a procrastinator.
but is it really all that bad to want to enjoy a couple hours of doing nothing, instead of constantly running around, never having a moment to not think?
it seems all i do is work. work and work and work some more.
i get up in the morning, go to school. im there til 3, where i promptly go to the dentist office, and guess what? WORK. i work there until seven, where i go home. think thats it? oh no. i go home, stuff my face within a time span of twenty minutes, and rush upstairs to do homework. homework takes me to 10,1030, or sometimes a lottt later. i jump in the shower, and crash in my bed, only to start the process all over again six to seven hours later.

but i have weekends, you say?
most definitely not.
my weekends are even busier than the weekdays.
saturdays i get up, and mow all day.
after i mow, i do homework, and various other chores my mother has for me.
this always seems to take the entire day, and i never have a moment to just sit down and watch television, or play a video game. i never have a moment to just step out into the sun, barefoot, and let the sun's rays warm my skin. i never have a moment to stop and breathe in the fresh air that comes with living as far out in the country as i do.

sundays:
church at eleven. meaning i'm up by nine, leave my house by 10, 1030. i go to church, im there until 12, 1230. after church, depending on what time fall ball starts, i go to the office where i WORK. i do maintenance which involves cleaning out the dispos-a-traps. wanna know what those are?
do you know, when you go to the dentist, where all that nasty spit, blood, and just general shit goes?
duhm duhm duhmmm, INTO THE DISPOS-A-TRAP!
so imagine cleaning that out. with all the plain scummy mouths that come freely associated with living in west virginia, and even worse, clendenin. it's not pleasant.
after i do that, i get to clean the light reflectors! yay! those are those big lights dentists use to light up people's disgusting mouths. where all their spit flies onto, oh yes. thats lovely too.
after that, cleaning the autoclaves and cold sterile; where all those nasty, dirty, plaque-covered instruments go to get cleaned. i bet you understand that's enjoyable, right?

wait, my weekends not over, yet.

after getting covered in that absolutely wonderful stuff, i get to go to softball. and it's not even reall softball. its a timed game, with drop dead time. meaning when times up, games over. we don't play innings, and we don't keep score. we bat everyone around, and theres no going in after three outs. and because it's hosted at our field, we always are the last game. which i dont mind, too much.
i wouldn't even play fall ball if it wasnt for my loyalty to mr. bird. he works his butt off for that field, and people don't care. which is why i continue to play fall ball, even when i complain as much as the next person.

after fall ball, i rush back to the office, shower, throw on some clothes, and finish work from earlier in the day.
after that, i head to church, again. i'm Catholic, you see. and at my age, that means i must be Confirmed. and because my church waited so long to set a date, my classmates/churchmates and i are recieving a crash course in Confimation Classes. this means we meet twice a week, for an hour. not bad you say? not really. but when those classes take place when you'd much rather just go home and become a vegetable on the couch? they're torture. so after softball and work all that joyful fun, i head to church for class at seven. classes are over around 815. that means, because i live so far away, i get home at 845-9. by the time i eat and take care of my pets, its 10. if i haven't finished any homework, i'm up til 1230, as i was last night.

let's just say 6 am came way to early.

"God smiles when you have sex." --Eliott Borris

i was up late last night.
resulting in less sleep.
i'm tired.

and hungry, i should add.
what's for lunch, pinnochio?

i haven't blogged for awhile.
i've been busy; with what? i'm not sure.

im in computer graphics. we're using the WACOM TABLET.
omg im excited. :D

its fabulous!

my sims game FINALLY shipped yesterday. now watch, itll take it like six days to get here.
and i'll be upset.

have i mentioned how wonderful my boyfriend is?

my one year anniversary: 5 days.

bye bye for now. (:

i did love, she does heartbreak. i did love til she broke my heart.

ever heard of the band scouting for girls?
very pianoey, very sunshine and walking down the street with your best friends eating suckers kind of music.

it makes me happy.


my eyes are dilated all to shat.
i seriously can't see.
you have no idea how far away i'm stting from the computer right now. i have the keyboard in my lap, and i'm kind of feeling the keys.
needless to say, im using the backspace button a lot.
bah humbug.


i ordered sims 2 apartment life four days ago. yes, i ordered it on a saturday, so i didnt expect it to ship until monday.
THIS IS WEDNESDAY.
i have STILL not gotten a shipping notice!!

i'm beginning to become angry with EA games.
if i would have ordered it anywhere else i would probably have it today or tomorrow, dagonit.
EA HASN'T EVEN SHIPPED THE GAME.
gar.


i'm going to eat cake.

it's not your fault, so please stop your crying now.

the boyfriend got an iPod touch.
frankly; im jealous.

iPhones are cool though too.
i just need a new phone. it doesnt even have to be all Ipodish. lol
mine has like a tonnsss of water damage.
within the first few months of me getting it, i left it in the rain.
by accident, of course. it was in my batbag, and i thought it wouldnt get wet inside.
alas, it did. lol

i was so busy all weekend.
i didnt talk to hardly anyone. not even the boyfriend. he had a birthday party on saturday and was up all night.
the only other person i talked to was elizabetta. and i talked to her for like not long.

i have been overcome by extreme procrastination.
i havent been able to do anything school wise.
i have trig work due tomorrow; i planned on doing it this weekend, so i wouldnt have to do 60+ problems tonight.
but i didnt. so now i have to do it all tonight.


I ORDERED SIMS 2 APARTMENT LIFE. it should come sometime soon, i should think. hopefully.

my one year anniversary: 9 days.
IT'S A COUNTDOWN, FOLKS.

i can take apart the remote control, and i can almost put it back together. (:

"i can do anything i want cause look."


we ordered class rings today.
i hope i like mine. i mean i like it, but i hope i dont get it and its like horribly unpretty.
i just cant make decisions about things that i know are permanent.
i could never get a tattoo. i couldnt be sure i would like it the very next week, or even day.
is there a name for that?
idk.

anyway. i want some cookies. really bad.
i do have cookie dough downstairs, but that takes movement, and my back hurts. idk why.

its pretty outside. the sky is so blue and so soft, it makes you want to fall into it. and just sleep, the sun shining on your face.


i also want to play sims. but i know when i do, i play for hours. and im so rarely home during the daylight, i hate to waste it. so instead, i do nothing. lol

do butterflies ever wish they could be birds?

i'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me.

i love blogging.

it may be the best thing ever.

the blog mood ended. bye bye. (:

the lights will guide you home.

i'm in computer graphics again, listening to my iPod. i really need to do the assignment, soon.
i'll get to that.

the whole school smells of chinese food. not good, for a young girl who is starving, and happens to love chinese food.
seriously, i want some. noww. (:

so, i think i've made a new friend.
and he seems pretty cool.
we have stuff in common, and i laugh.
maybe its a start of a new beginning. hahahahahaa, i crack myself up. (:

this song sounds nasaly. i don't think i like it anymore.
i skipped it.
YAY NEW FOUND GLORY. :DDD

i've recently got in the habit of winking. i think it was just bc im on so much (albeit legal) cold medicine, its the equivilant of crackk.


my tummy craves chinese food like the cookie monster craves cookies, in the nineties. before he decided "vegetables are delicious, and cookies are only a sometimes food." wtf? hes the cookie monster. not the VEGGIE monster. but i digress.

i wonder what's for lunch?

should they catch us, and dispatch us to those seperate work camps.

"should they kill me, your love will fill me as warm as the bullets."

music makes me feel better, when i can't breathe through my nose and my voice sounds all nasaly and gross.

i have like three songs i want to put on my space, i cant choose.
really two, as of right now. but i'm sure that number will increase as i listen to my itunes library.


i have an exaggerating problem. reallly. and thats not an exaggeration.
i am a habitual exaggerator. really. i can't help it. i know i'm doing it, yes. but it pops out before i can even tell the truth.
if its one, i say three. if its two, i say five. if its five, i say fifteen to twenty. it gets worse as the numbers get bigger.


is there medicine for this? (:

"sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's quick, sometimes it takes forever and forever takes up most of it."

so i'm rocking out.
how we do:mount sims.

pretty great song. i should be doing my english essay. but i'm not sure how to do it. so idk.

and i have trig. and a church meeting this evening until eight. joy joy.

"i'll lick your attitude until your face turns blue."
"no need to bit my lip; i'd rather bite your hip."
"turn your dry ice machine on because i like the smell of it."
"sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's quick, sometimes it takes forever and forever takes up most of it."

just a few lovely quotes from that AWESOME song. :D






have you ever noticed how great music is?

when i watch you, wanna do you, right where you're standing, yeahh. (:

good song, that title right up there. ^
it makes me want to dance.
it also attracts a lot of attention. "o
wonder why? haa.


anyway. theres a new sims out. sims2 apartment life. its been out for like two weeks, and i still havent gotten itt. what kind of sim addict am i?
a disgraceful one, i'll tell you that.
i need to buy it. i told the boyfriend not to buy it for me, as he's saving up for better, tastier things. (;

its 11:11. make a wish. (:


but i digress. my mom nearly had a heart attack after she saw the bill for the one year present.
so i think i should wait awhile until i buy the sims. and yet, IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS NOT HAVING IT.
gah. what to do, what to do.


i took this cold medicine today. and i could BREATHE again. until i went to softball, and the combination of adrenaline and the side effects of that medicine kicked in, and i felt like i was on speeeeddd. for serious, yo.


i had time today, and did my makeup all pretty. i made eyeshadow into purple eyeliner, with a little bit of water and a brush. also, i added forest green eyeshadow and gold in the corners of my eyes. it may sound like totally UGH! but it wasnt. it was quite pretty, actually.
if only i had an hour to do my makeup everyday. shucks. lol

anyway, sleep is trying to take over my brain. night. (:

"your cat is destructive."

so i'm super sick. i'm coughing, sneezing, and i have only a remnant of a voice.
i feel like i screamed all night at a rock concert, after inhaling enough smoke to fill a chimney.

and i'm starvvingggg.
my mom brought me and the boyfriend tudor's yesterday; boy, was that delicous. :D

there's a football game tonight; but it's away. i havent been to one yet, something always happens that i miss them.
i plan on going home this evening, and sleeeepinnggg.

i was up until friggin one am doing this stupid essay for english class, not to mention my trig homework, and annotating this essay all about the evils of government, that is 14 PAGES LONG. gahh. shoot me in the face.

the boyfriend isnt here today; he's sick too. i wanted to stay home, but if i was going to stay home, i wouldnt have stayed up so late to do all that work. and if i hadnt stayed up so late to do all that work, i probably wouldnt feel as crappy right now.



i wonder what's for lunch?

that's what you get when you let your heart win.

i'm rejoicing.
rejoicing in the fact that i got a 96 ON MY TRIG TEST!!!!!! :DDDDD

alright. lol now that i got that out of my system, i went home and slept yesterday, for hourrss.
we had an early out yesterday, meaning we got out at 1250 instead of 250. i like early outs, especially since they are on wednesdays... the only days i get home during the daylight.
so i got home by 2, laid down, and slept til 5. i then got up, ate, fed the dogs, checked my email, did some annotating on this essay that hates all government from english class, showered, and went back to bed by 10. lol

i slept all the way through the night, and woke up wanting more.
i'm not exhausted anymore, but i still could use more sleep. strange huh?


how about this blog distracts me from my work. so much in fact, that i didnt realize that i have two assignments due in computer graphics and i had no idea. so i have to do those today, instead of blogging and surfing the web all day.

i gotta go. buh bye. (:

tell me mabel.

i forgot to write yesterday. *gasppp*
first time since i got this thing.

quite frankly, i was too busy being a nerd. i was reading. reading this new book called lock and key, by sarah dessen. it wasnt as great as "just listen", by her as well. i mean, lock and key was good, but so far just listen is my favorite. its so raw and emotional.

i've been sick a couple of days. not like pukey sick, thank the lord. just like a throat so dry it feels like my throat is being slit every time i swallow. not exactly an enjoyable experience.

even though i haven't been feeling well, i'm still at school. i had our very first trig test today, and for once, math didnt freak me out.
maybe because i'm paying attention, and actually studying from time to time.
even though the boyfriend tries to distract me. hahah.

quick update: the friends, we're all great.
we came back monday and we joked, laughed, and giggled our little (or in some cases, big. "p) arses off. (:


all's well in the crasian world.

are you lost in your lies?

so i've been trying to find a new myspace song for awhile.. i keep changing them and none seem to match, really.
idk. i'll find something.

so, today was kick-arse (school editing.) everything was jazzy and wonderful and sparkly. lol (:
i mean, everything was simply great. everyone was in a great mood, everyone was kind of hyper and giggly.
we laughed for ages over errkas epic butt in those purple pants.

it was seriously epic, no lie. lol

so i'm in a greatt greatttt mood. even though i can't get ahold of the boyfriend right now, i'll call later. (: i'm bloggginggg, yo. :D

we had this thing today, called rachel's challenge. it was pretty cool, and kind of eerie.
challenge day kicked its purpley-pants arse last year though.

i wanna sing and dance. :D
"my hopes are so high, your kiss might kill me. so won't you kill me? so i die happy."
dashboard. greattt. (:



i didnt even have that much homework today.
ANDDD. I WENT TO THE DOLLAR GENERAL STORE AND GOT DUNKAROOS!!!!!!!
like two whole boxes. i got back to the office, and immediately ate five out of the six in a box. they're that incredible.

and apparently organic=orgasmic. hahahahaha. :D


great day. (:

we sure are cute for two ugly people. (:

last night, around 9:30, i got the strangest urge to go running. it was like i couldnt focus on anything else until i ran.
maybe i had a physical need to run, or maybe more. i'm not sure.

whatever the reason was, i did. i grabbed my iPod, laced up my shocks, and ran about a mile and a half.
it was the most refreshing thing i have done in awhile.

my blood pumped, sweat came down my face, and my hands shook.
yet i enjoyed every moment of it.

i felt more alive.
and i loved it.

carry on, i'm stronger than you'll ever know.

that good mood i had earlier?

poof! gone. deflated like an old balloon whose helium escaped.
and all because of one thing. a movement, i could say. a movement in the order of things.

even when the rain falls, i am washed by the water.

remember all those sad things about my friends and i not getting along, and things being awkward between myself and someone else?

i woke up this morning and all of that was totally gone.
i'm in a great mood.

i want to sing and dance, and throw a party in the pouring rain.
i'm not sure what changed, but i know someone who helped me.
and i'm quite grateful for that.


shine on. (:

you'll always be a part of me.

i know i said i was going to try and blog everyday, but i think this is getting a bit ridiculous. this is already my third blog, and its only four.

i havent felt myself lately, around certain people.
my really close circle of friends, everything is great, and normal.
but a couple in that circle, not so much. it seems something has changed. i don't think it's me... i feel the same, in general.
i've asked around, i behave the same. so what's different?

we've been friends for years; and now something isn't right.
they irritate me, make me mad, make me say curses.
it didn't use to be that way.

i want to fix it. yet at the same time, i want to yell at them for being irritating. for the little things they say; the eye rolls.



what's wrong?

you taste like strawberry weed.

i downloaded like 20 songs yesterday. i meant to wake up this morning and sync my iPod, so i could listen to those marvelous sounds all day.

well, lo and behold, i overslept. of course. so i have no new marvelous music makers on my iPod, and it saddens me.



is it possible to become addicted to blogging?
bc i feel like i am. it's a lot of fun.

i know you can't put any like deeply interpersonal thoughts, bc people read it. but it's still pretty great. even writing about normal, everday, sometimes useless stuff makes you feel better.

i worry about not being able to make it in the photography world.
i worry about college. and grades. and if i'll be good enough.


hows that for interpersonal? not much, i say.
i should paint my nails. but alas, i dont have the time, nor do i really want to. lol


i want to make a new friend. a really great friend. someone i can talk to about silly stuff, or serious stuff.
sometimes making friends proves to be difficult.


i'm still in computer graphics. and i'm starving my arse off. ten minutes til lunch! yayyy.


i wonder why things are sometimes awkward.

not the boyfriend, he's great. and he GOT ME TRANSIBERIAN ORCHESTRA TICKETS FOR MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!
things are never awkward there. :D

i think im getting too personal. i never get personal. strange.


my mom's going to morgantown tonight. i'm worried about my uncle.


what is it about blogs that makes you personal???


i better get off before i divulge my deepest, darkest secret.



oh no! its coming bubbling out!!!!

















i love peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

"errrrr!"

i'm at school.
remember that trig test?
well we had a fire drill and now i dont have to finish it until monday. sweet arse. :D

my wrist is sore.

the boyfriend keeps talking about soccer.
i dont understand.

iPods rock.

later. (:

you've got a fast car; fast enough you could fly away.

i'm in a really calm mood. i have a ton of homework, yet cant seem to be worried about finishing it. i have two tests tomorrow too. oh well.

my english teacher made us all make blogs. and email addresses. so she can reach us all at once? idk.
but i like this blogging thing. it's pretty darn fun. i think ima try to do it everyday.
the school can read it though, bc it's considered a "school account".

anyway; went to the boyfriend's soccer game today. :D

i didnt understand anything. lol

i seem to be easily angered these days. by people who normally never make me mad. maybe im just in a bad mood, idk.

back to trig. yippeee.

oooooooh, yummm.

i'm hungry.
i want food.

and i have softball practice at 5. not fun.


hungry? GRAB A SNICKERS. :D

picture taking, yo.

i like snickerdoodles.

and picture taking.
especially picture taking.