now my body's on the floor and i am calling out to you.

well, let's update, shall we?

remember those tickets to trans-siberian orchestra my boyfriend got me?
well yeah, on the supposed to be best day ever, i wrecked my car.
totaled it, in fact.

that shit's gone. lol.

i'm pretty good, no worries. i do have a bruise on my shin that refuses to go away, these two and half weeks later.
although it's amazing; i can still hear with perfect clarity the sounds of breaking glass and metal against rock.
i can still feel the shaking of the car as i flipped onto my roof.
and i can still see that rock coming towards me, one second too late.

i don't think that will ever leave my brain.

i don't dwell on this. it's not healthy. but cars do scare me shitless now.
i recently (as in this week) was forced to drive home by myself, for the first time.
i was hyperventilating the whole 14 minutes of the drive.
the second i got out of the car, i sobbed. truly sobbed. i have never before been able to say i've sobbed, until that day.

i try to make myself drive now.
i'm doing better.

but i will not forget.